So this is my umpteenth attempt at a blog. I have my page on UES, yes, and would love to make that my blog in an ideal world. But I'm not home all the time, and I'd like to post and engage in other stuff. Not too frequently, mind you -- I'd rather have my blog be a couple months.

Anyway, right now I need techno help and support from people -- How do I cross-link? Can I post pictures? How about audioblogs? I'd love to be able to do all these things, and if anyone has an idea how to do that, please drop me a line

The Ethel-or-Fozzie Rule

I have a rule about music, and it is this: All pop singers are either Ethel Merman Singers or Fozzie Bear Singers.

This rule, known Ethel or Fozzie Rule, applies only to singers whose careers began after April 1970, the month the Beatles broke up.

I discovered this rule in the Spring of 1987, when, stoned on hashish perched atop a re-hot paperclip, and it became more and more evident that the histrionics of hard rock were conflated with Broadway show tunes (Ethel Merman), and the mellow, holier-than-thou, subdued vocals of soft pop and college rock, which had diverted into a bathetic grovel (Fozzie Bear).

Ethel Merman (1909-84), born Ethel Zimmerman in Astoria, NY, is one of America's most popular singers. Known for her booming voice, her greatest successes are on the Broadway stage, in such productions as Annie Get Your Gun (1946), Call Me Madam (1950), and Gypsy (1958).

Fozzie Bear remains a member of the popular troupe The Muppets, created by the late Jim Henson. The Muppets reached the height of their popularity with popular variety hit The Muppet Show, which ran from 1975-1980, and continues to be popular in syndication today. The voice of Fozzie Bear is actually Frank Oz (1944-), born Frank Richard Oznowicv in Heresford, England. Oz also provides the voice for other characters, such as Animal, Miss Piggy, Sam the Eagle, and The Swedish Chef. He is now a popular film director, whose credits include the smash hits The Dark Crystal (1982) and Bowfinger (1999).

Perhapd portentiously or inevitably, the Ethel-or-Fozzie Rule was enacted by its primary players, and can now be seen on home video. Ethel Merman was a guest in the first season of The Muppet Show in 1976. The entire troupe of Muppets, Fozzie included, performed a medley of Merman's songs to open that show, along with an Ethel/Animal duet of "Eek/Perfect Pitch." The paeon to the vocal register of that song indicates that perhaps, on that California soundstage, some connection or détente may have been made between these two—the Broadway star, then in the twilight of a career, only to be briefly resuscitated by her disco version of "There's No Business Like Show Business" (TK, TK) and the young puppeteer beneath the stage, uttering "wakka wakka"s during his comedy bit about Gonzo. I have tried to contact Mr. Oz about this matter, only to be rebuffed by his high-powered Los Angeles agents.

Not incidentally, the first Ethel Merman band, formed in April 1970, was Queen. The first Ethel Merman singer was Freddie Mercury (1947-1991).